Answering the Question What Are You Grateful for?
Thank God I have seen an orange sky with purple clouds. — Erica Goros
Learning what types of things push your gratitude button is an ongoing process.
When I started my blog, I might have ventured some reasonable opinions on what put a breeze behind my sails. I knew I liked it when people laughed at my jokes. I grokked on Coltrane and other jazz masters from his era. And a good yarn – whether a novel or narrative shared in a person to person setting – I always recognized my delight in stories.
Truly, when contemplating appreciation, reviewing things you love, or even things you like, seems like a good place to start. Of course you can appreciate and feel grateful for things you don’t have an immediate resonance with, but that can take more practice, more conscious effort.
After reading more than a hundred blog entries posted over the past two years, I found some major themes emerge. I discovered that I naturally and pretty much spontaneously felt gratitude under certain conditions.
The journal entries I wrote tended to fall under at least one of these twelve categories.
1) Belonging/Connection
Observations that make me feel like I belong – to a group of people or to the family of man, to something bigger than myself – were often integral to my reflections. Discrete experiences may have triggered a journal entry, but in following the natural flow of a contemplation, I often came to understand that my feelings were universal. When I recognize a “sameness” I might share with others, I am reminded of my humanity. When I am aware that other people enjoy some of the same experiences I do, I am doubly grateful. Most experiences either make me feel more connected or more isolated. I cherish my alone time (writing, as example, is usually something I do alone), but even in my alone time, I realized how, in addition to providing a space for creativity or thought, I feel connected with other writers, artists and dreamers. I am very grateful for opportunities to feel connected.
2) Free/Bargains/Upgrades/Winning/Luck
Anything that makes me feel like fate is smiling on me generates a sort of exuberance I can’t help but feel grateful for. These episodes of unexpected or bonus bounty can be triggered by small events (they usually are) like catching a bus before it pulls away or finding a designer sweater in mint condition for $3.00 at a resale shop. Receiving a first class upgrade on air travel, having bought the lucky square on a football pool, or finally cashing in on the grocery store stamps I’ve been collecting in my kitchen junk drawer for months and taking home my free piece of professional cookware – these things bowl me over. Even though statistically, things are just as likely to get better as they are to get worse, like most people, I used to expect the worst. I believed that getting looked over or missing out on opportunities was somehow more likely to happen than good fortune. My thinking has shifted quite a bit, mostly by paying more attention. When I can take advantage of a free offer (free music in the park or overdue library book amnesty days), or receive some sort of prize or upgrade, I revel in the unexpected gift. I am grateful for the reminder that, although to different degrees, the truth of my good fortune is already present in concrete ways in my life.
3) Something New
The simple infusion of energy from experiencing something for the first time makes it easy to become conscious of things to be grateful for. It seems only natural to examine what is unique, potentially beneficial or beautiful about something you were not even aware existed the day before. Remember your first kiss, your first plane ride, your first job interview, your first sip of good champagne? Whether exposure to something new makes a lasting change in my habits or not, seeing or trying something new is an invitation to experience things with more conscious awareness. I am almost always grateful for experiencing something new because the experience always sharpens my sense for what I want and what I might never be able to generate enthusiasm for.
4) Fresh Eyes/Tourist Mind
The principle of heightening your awareness for new things operates at exponential proportions when you’re a tourist. When you are navigating through a series of events and unfamiliar locations, when you’re spending time paying extra attention to EVERYTHING because everything is NEW, you can’t help but be touched by SOMETHING. The subway in Madrid, being able to buy wine at the 7-11 like convenience stores Paris, how many coffee shops you can find between the Ferry Building and the baseball park in San Francisco. I am always grateful for times when I can own the spirit of a traveler, when I never worry or judge myself about getting lost, where I only see every step in any direction as being part of my adventure.
5) Noticing Small Things
Noticing small things that touch you is a practice. It’s something you can do all the time. When you notice little things in your environment that you feel a special kinship with, the best thing to do is pause for a moment and reflect on what it is exactly that touches you. The more you understand what pleases, inspires, or benefits you, the better your chance is of putting yourself in positions to experience those things. Tuning up your awareness and seeing the benefit, then giving time to dwell on positive associations, reinforces your ability to identify more little things that will please you. This strategy – of doing what works – can have a great impact in business, sports, or relationships. I am always grateful when I can not only hear the sound of a humming bird but can consider tunes their song reminds me of.
6) Beauty
Who’s to say what’s beautiful in a grand sense? Only you can determine what’s beautiful to you. And championing this privilege to identify what’s beautiful in your world is a wonderful gift. Looking at a sunset or giant oak tree, a child’s smile or the arc of a water fountain’s spray and sigh, “Isn’t that beautiful?” reminds me that I matter. My opinions matter to my life. I am grateful when I don’t need any rational arguments to praise something. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, and I find it grand that I can declare my unique experience of something as beautiful.
7) Neighborhood Discoveries
The joy of recognizing the wonder within a small thing is magnified when you realize how accessible that thing is; when you know that an experience you cherish can be repeated at will or can be found only footsteps from your door. So many of my blog entries were spawned from neighborhood walks or overheard conversations at small businesses patronized by people like me. I am so grateful to remember that the important things of life do not generally fill newspaper headlines, but can be found in your backyard or Saturday farmers market.
8) People Who Touch Me
Sometimes people touch us because of their talents, generosity or humor, or because we have a shared history. Sometimes, it’s harder to put a finger on why certain people make us feel more alive or more loved, but few things spark a sense of gratitude like feeling blessed that someone’s path has crossed your own. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I am so grateful for people who have touched my life with wisdom or humor, with courage, patience, or compassion and have reminded me that I may be special in their lives as well.
9) Self-Appreciation
I used to offer my own twist on the Rolling Stones song, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, by saying, “You can’t always get what you want, but you’ll always get what you think you deserve.” Whether you believe in your tendency for self-sabotage or not, you may have experienced periods in your life where you grappled with you sense of sense of self-worth. Without getting psychological or metaphysical about causes, I have found that when I am kind to myself, my experiences flow more pleasantly. Habits that reinforce a sense of lack are hard to break. Acknowledging yourself, even acknowledging your own good thoughts, and thanking yourself can stir positive changes. I am grateful whenever I can acknowledge something good in me.
10) Musings and ‘Maginings
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Sometimes, my greatest source of gratitude comes, not from an experience or from another person, but from a thought. And the reality of being in control of my thoughts reminds me to be grateful for good ones; thoughts that inspire me, or thoughts that identify a curiosity that requires only a little passion to pursue, or thoughts that help me change the lens with which I see the world. How wonderful it is to have a supple mind and a rich imagination! I am grateful for my mind, for the complexities of reflection, for being able to entertain and amuse myself.
11) What’s so funny?
I love to laugh, but sometimes I forget to laugh at myself or I get too serious about life and lose opportunities to be pleased or delighted. Knowing what makes you laugh and remembering to relish those moments represent cause for thanks. It’s great to catch yourself in a belly laugh or realize that you can find humor in a new situation or vulnerability. I am grateful when I can look at the world with wonder, and even more grateful when I can look at myself and laugh.
12) Surprise
Sometimes it’s hard to say where gratitude comes from based on its first wave of recognition. After unpacking things a little, I’ll often discover that I am grateful to see my values alive or supported in the world. What helps me see such forces at work usually comes as a surprise to me. Small things can confer big time gratitude and out of the blue experiences make me feel closer to God. Things that don’t go according to plan can actually turn out better than any plan I could conceive. Being surprised, like feeling belonging, makes me feel like I am always supported by a greater life force, a greater intelligence than my own. When I see moments of this, at first, I’m amazed. Then I’m usually humbled and overwhelmingly grateful.
Try This…
A Day in the Life (Exercise)
Take photographs of everything you see that pleases or amuses you, things you may typically encounter in the course of one day. Digital cameras make this easy, or throwaway cameras will work too. Make a scrapbook (bound or online) adding captions for the different images.
Ask yourself questions to help you understand what’s pleasing or meaningful for you, what you may feel grateful for, in any particular image. What kinds of patterns do you see? What types of things do you notice you are drawn to? What images make you laugh or cry, feel loved, liberated, or lucky? Look at your scrapbook after a while. Does your second viewing make you feel grateful for your memory?
Think about this: What you are compelled to take photos of, unconsciously, are largely clues to things that are important to you. When you write short captions for these images, you are bringing some of your unconscious beliefs to a more conscious level. When you look at the captions you can think of great questions to ask yourself to clarify first impressions and explore possible meanings like you might think about the objects or characters in a dream.
In the following pages, I am going to share excerpts from my blog, No Small Thing along with key messages or lessons I came to understand about what makes me feel grateful. Hopefully, these can be examples for you to contemplate what’s important in your life. What are you grateful for?