strawberry chocoateBrrr. It was cold this past weekend.

Dress in layers — I remembered the commonly dispensed advice.

There probably is some law of thermodynamics that explains why this tactic works, but it does. I’ll feel warmer if I wear a hoodie over a long sleeved tee over a knit shirt than if I just donned a bulky sweater.

After thinking about covering up in garments to keep warm, like second or third skins, my mind automatically started to ruminate on the concept of LAYERS.

Clouds occupy different altitudes in the atmosphere. I love the final minutes of a plane trip when I might look out the window and notice that the white tufts I was skimming across just minutes ago are now over me and that I’m about to lose visibility again as we continue our descent.

The earth is made up of layers. To a lesser extent, the dirt we put in planters simulates this. Under topsoil, there’s often gravel or clay. Under which, there’s some type of rock. Each strata can be divided into sub-strata.

Insulation and tires and electric cords are all composed of layers. Each layer is chosen for unique qualities; each material satisfying a specific purpose.

And of course, there are countless foods and confections that are layered. Who hasn’t perused the snack table at a party and wondered where did all the guacamole go on the 7-layer taco dip?

Candy often is comprised of a hard shell on the outside, nuts or coconut flakes as you bite down and a soft, sweet surprise at the core.

And who doesn’t love layer cakes? A chance to put several of your favorite tastes and textures in a single slice?

But I found myself also thinking about healingin layers.

Maybe it was unavoidable that I should begin my year with a workshop that included some reference to goals. Although I vowed to give attention to desired directions and not to measurable outcomes, I found myself struggling with a class exercise where we were to define past and future ceilings.

I can readily acknowledge that I’ve passed through many barriers in my life, but I experienced such a total shutdown. I found myself unable to imagine how things would look and feel if I held different beliefs about certain things.

As the other participants in the workshop came up with new numbers for things they envisioned accomplishing and practiced their happy dance, I felt like I was going backwards.

I couldn’t tell myself YES to some ideal I didn’t feel in my body. I knew what was stopping me. I kept thinking, Oh no, not this AGAIN.

And a sort of emptiness and odd hopefulness has been with me ever since. I guess that’s the nature of healing yourself.

You can’t expect to make everything right all at once. (Even when you know what is WRONG.) As time passes, you can see some things you couldn’t see before. You learn how to forgive in ways you couldn’t conceive of before.

Frustrated that I couldn’t move on to the next chapter of my life right away, I was glad to remember this.

Like a delicate, but rich torte, I just need to go through more layers in order to get to the buttercream and chocolate covered strawberries on the top.

Allowing yourself to work through layers of hurt when you’re ready is no small thing.