{"id":2748,"date":"2017-03-13T08:36:55","date_gmt":"2017-03-13T08:36:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nosmallthing.net\/main\/?p=2748"},"modified":"2021-05-08T14:41:22","modified_gmt":"2021-05-08T14:41:22","slug":"the-third-bottle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nosmallthing.net\/main\/the-third-bottle\/","title":{"rendered":"The Third Bottle"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I hosted book group this past Thursday.<\/p>\n

Every 6 weeks or so, a group of my girlfriends get together to discuss a novel. Whoever picks out our book hosts the gathering and provides something to eat and yes, there\u2019s wine (We\u2019re girlfriends, aren\u2019t we?).<\/p>\n

The book I chose was a novel about a young woman with anorexia -\u2013 told from her lover\u2019s point of view.<\/p>\n

I made a hearty meal of daube Provencal (beef stew with, yes, more wine), a pear-gorgonzola salad, mini pastries, and freshly baked crescent rolls. Perversity rules! I wanted to enjoy simple pleasures that our book\u2019s heroine wouldn\u2019t allow herself.<\/p>\n

Our group consists of four women. Occasionally, a guest will show up. Core members will often invite friends who appreciate reading and de-constructing but are reluctant to commit to showing up for every meeting.<\/p>\n

I asked our friend, Shari, to join us. Member of another book discussion group some of us were in over 20 years ago, she had to drop out when family, moving to Munster, Indiana (40 miles away), and grad school came to demand more of her time.<\/p>\n

Via brief emails, she warned me that she would be coming late, as she was teaching a class, but was looking forward to coming.<\/p>\n

I opened up our first bottle of red to pour a cup into the Le Creuset enamel pot that was magically transforming cubes of everyday chuck into something special. It was a large bottle and lasted through dinner and our initial comments about the novel.<\/p>\n

At about 7:30, when we were raising our voices about choices the author made, little things we liked about minor characters, when we thought elements were introduced in a sort of contrived way, Shari arrived. We quickly got her caught up.<\/p>\n

A bowl of stew was filled for her, a glass of wine was poured, and everybody contributed a sentence to convey an idea that was already aired.<\/p>\n

Shari quickly jumped in, throwing in her own comments about teaching foreign students (an experience she shared with the narrator), body image, and relationships.<\/p>\n

We took turns, following trails of colored Post-It Notes<\/em>, reading marked passages out loud.<\/p>\n

We opened up our second bottle. In between remarks on control, intimacy, grief, illness, differences between sexes, and narrative voice, Shari declared how much she missed this kind of process and camaraderie.<\/p>\n

When the formal discussion was over, we discussed who would host the next gathering and my lady friends started to leave.<\/p>\n

Shari pulled out her cell phone and texted her boyfriend to come and pick her up; to leave the bar where he was killing time and actually come to my home. He picked her up from the class she was teaching and drove her to my door.<\/p>\n

On his way over, the third bottle was opened. Shari and I talked about her children, about her teaching career, about the death of her husband four years ago, and about her new boyfriend. She confided that some of her old friends were not comfortable with him, or not comfortable with the idea of her having a new partner.<\/p>\n

We talked about some of her challenges; going to school, raising teenagers on a modest income as a single parent, how she began seeing partnership potential with the man who would join us shortly.<\/p>\n

We talked about some of my issues with sleep and balance, my impulse to write and my need to generate income another way.<\/p>\n

I hadn\u2019t talked with her in so long and, more than getting updated, it was great to be in such a non-judgmental presence.<\/p>\n

Always uncommon, I remember her circus themed wedding that included jugglers and elephant rides, which took place in the parking lot of a forest preserve. She never worried about what others might see as odd or a contradiction.<\/p>\n

Established as a Christian artist, she always displayed very liberal attitudes about exercising personal freedom. I would not normally see these things as going together, but they were very natural and honest expressions for her. She made no apologies about either.<\/p>\n

A few minutes earlier, as our book discussion was drawing to a close, she reached into her purse and pulled out a salami from Hickory Farms to give to me. Not requiring refrigeration, it was in a layer of heavy-duty plastic skin, making it easy to pull off a grocery store shelf.<\/p>\n

When it was presented to me, she laughed. We both laughed. I knew she wouldn\u2019t be hurt if I didn\u2019t want the cased sausage, but I understood her impulse never to go anywhere empty-handed.<\/p>\n

After her boyfriend joined us, while we talked about hockey, her parents, and their upcoming vacation, she decided to gift me with tiny vials of essential oils, which made the trip from Indiana in her purse as well, probably next to salami. She had recently become a fan, using them for relaxation and mental clarity.<\/p>\n

Generosity, transparency, self-acceptance, curiosity and resourcefulness, a great tenacity for solving problems tempered by respect for the mysterious, for the unknowable \u2013 Shari embodies all these things.<\/p>\n

I think she provides a mirror for me. I can see some things in her that I can see in myself, and I can see some aspects of her character that I would like to shine through me more.<\/p>\n

Getting to the third bottle (even if no wine is consumed), a place of complete honesty and vulnerability, is no small thing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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