{"id":4393,"date":"2020-07-06T03:17:56","date_gmt":"2020-07-06T03:17:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nosmallthing.net\/main\/?p=4393"},"modified":"2021-05-08T14:37:26","modified_gmt":"2021-05-08T14:37:26","slug":"since-feeling-is-first","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nosmallthing.net\/main\/since-feeling-is-first\/","title":{"rendered":"Since Feeling is First"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I\u2019ve been very tired lately.<\/p>\n

Not that I\u2019ve been doing a lot. I\u2019ve just been feeling<\/strong> a lot. Feeling can be exhausting. Still, I can\u2019t imagine living without feeling<\/strong> as my north star.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure why exactly, but the recollection of an e. e. cummings poem came to me this morning.\u00a0 Fifteen years ago, a man gave me a card, hand-printed with Cummings\u2019 lines. Perhaps it stood as a promise which was never fulfilled. Undeniably, the sentiment really resonated with me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

since feeling is first<\/p>\n

who pays any attention<\/p>\n

to the syntax of things<\/p>\n

will never wholly kiss you;<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

wholly to be a fool<\/em><\/p>\n

while Spring is in the World\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As I\u2019m writing down my thoughts now, my dog is at the vet\u2019s getting a cracked tooth pulled. I\u2019m conscious of how hollow coming home after errands today seemed when I couldn\u2019t see her snout peak through the back door as I opened it.<\/p>\n

My bestie has been in town.\u00a0 She\u2019s moving back after over a decade living in California. While she joined me for a socially distanced dinner (We tore into a couple fine midwestern cobbs of corn from opposite ends of my table.), we listened to favorite tunes from our high school years, courtesy of Spotify. Damn if she doesn\u2019t know every word to every Joni Mitchell song ever recorded.<\/p>\n

Lately, I\u2019ve shed a few tears over TV news segments; words exchanged with the family of Ahmaud Arbery or the mothers of military men killed in Afghanistan, reportedly by Taliban fighters with financial support from Russia.<\/p>\n

I often find tiny gestures or quirks in character or style endearing beyond words. Even when I do not personally know someone, I feel incredible kinship when they express loss and grief, deep feelings. Under unimaginable circumstances, under unexpected scrutiny, they often exude a grace that\u2019s hard for me to even fathom.<\/p>\n

Buoyant or devasted. The range of feelings is wide. I think that having a human life requires us to feel or \u2014 or we\u2019re doing\u00a0 something wrong.<\/p>\n

There are so many things I don\u2019t like about this country\u2019s current leadership. There are things I don\u2019t like about policies or the inequitable distribution of wealth and power, the focus on spinning messages instead of delivering truth.<\/p>\n

But what upsets me the most is the absence of feeling, of empathy and compassion.\u00a0 I can\u2019t imagine efforts by many politicians to take away health insurance coverage during a pandemic when forty million people have lost their jobs.<\/p>\n

Just when I was afraid that feeling had become so unfashionable, so beyond the comfortable reporting of trends and analytics, convinced that human feeling was destined to go the way of the mini-skirt and suspenders, I saw a commercial which featured a short video segment of two toddlers hugging on a street in NYC.\u00a0 I think one of the fathers recorded the scene last September.<\/p>\n

The short clip of Maxwell and Finnegan went viral last fall although I saw it for the first time only recently. When the video was taken, the pair was around two years-old. I believe that they were in some sort of music class together.<\/p>\n

One child is black, and one is white. Both are precious!<\/p>\n

When they see each other on a city sidewalk, then run towards each other with unrestrained delight and unconditional love, we can all succumb to the wonder of childhood. Our natural state is joy and most people instinctually move in the direction of friendship.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t see their appearance on the Ellen Show, but I understand these toddlers and their parents made the celebrity rounds. Seeing the sequence of their friendship folded into a commercial recently came at the perfect time.<\/p>\n

The image of them running towards each other and sharing a heart-felt embrace embodies a kind of hope so many of us tired souls are longing for.<\/p>\n

Understanding that \u201cfeeling is first\u201d is no small thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been very tired lately. Not that I\u2019ve been doing a lot. I\u2019ve just been…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4394,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[323,322,321,320],"class_list":["post-4393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-e-e-cummings","tag-hugging-toddlers","tag-maxwell-finnegan","tag-since-feeling-is-first","grateful-dozen-musings-imaginings"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSince Feeling is First – No Small Thing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019ve been very tired lately.Not that I\u2019ve been doing a lot. 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