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I\u2019ve been visiting Bonnie at a long-term care facility almost every Tuesday afternoon for several months.<\/p>\nI\u2019ve been visiting Bonnie at a long-term care facility almost every Tuesday afternoon for several months.<\/p>\n
She has dementia and is not in an accelerated state of decline. I suspect I\u2019ll be around to share that experience when the time comes. I\u2019ve been volunteering for a hospice organization since last spring. I think this situation, visiting a patient at a long-term care facility, suits me.<\/p>\n
Although sitting vigil can have profound moments, at the group residence, I have the support of staff and the opportunity for meaningful engagement.<\/p>\n
Although our visits are frequent and she\u2019ll often read my volunteer\u2019s badge out loud, Bonnie never calls me by name. She can\u2019t tell me what she had for lunch fifteen minutes before I arrive or even if it was good.<\/p>\n
At times, she\u2019ll try to lift herself up from her wheel chair to stand up, and I\u2019ll try to make up an appealing reason for her to stay seated. Usually, not an easy exchange. But I\u2019ll hold her hand often, and she\u2019ll squeeze mine back, and I think I\u2019m making a difference.<\/p>\n
For years now, I\u2019ve touted the value of being in the present moment. I think it\u2019s ironic that it is easier to be in the moment with someone else\u2019s aging parent than to be with your own. It never dawns on me that my assigned companion should be some other way.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t bother me that I\u2019m not called by name or that what I think would be an important shared memory is mine alone.<\/p>\n
Often, Bonnie will offer to share her afternoon snack with me, a foil package containing two large\u00a0 \u201chome style\u201d chocolate chip cookies. I always say no, but I think it\u2019s so sweet that though she can get agitated and raise her voice at me, sharing something she enjoys is a natural impulse.<\/p>\n
She\u2019ll often read newspaper headlines to me when another \u201cvisitor\u201d \u00a0leaves the day\u2019s Sun Times<\/strong> on the activities table but doesn\u2019t seem interested in the story or even the meaning of the words she reads. I think she just likes someone listening to her.<\/p>\n When I first came to the facility to meet Bonnie and her daughter, to talk about Bonnie\u2019s background and see if she\u2019d be okay with my regular visits, I learned about a family of five daughters growing up on a small farm southwest of Chicago. All the sisters are still very close and visit Bonnie regularly.<\/p>\n I learned that Bonnie liked to sing and that her daughter Tracy was keeping a list of some of her favorites.<\/p>\n I Googled the lyrics to most songs on the list, typed them out and got the staff to make copies. After passing Bonnie\u2019s songbook out to most of the second floor residents, several started to sing with us.<\/p>\n \u201cDaisy, Daisy,\u201d \u201cQue Sera Sera,\u201d \u201cMomma, Don\u2019t let your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys,\u201d were among her favorites. If I ever have problems getting her attention, I\u2019ll start singing, \u201cI\u2019m back in the saddle again\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Without skipping a beat, Bonnie will finish the line… \u201cBack where a friend is a friend. Where the longhorn cattle feed on the lowly gypsum weed. Back in the saddle again.\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes, we\u2019d sing a cappella.\u00a0 Sometimes, I\u2019d play tunes on Spotify through my phone.<\/p>\n On that first visit, when I met Bonnie and Tracy, we played a simple card game with two very worn decks of cards pulled out from the basket that contained coloring books and photo dominated magazines. We played what I called War, what Tracy called \u201cHigh-Low.\u201d<\/p>\n Basically, we passed out all the cards. Bonnie, Tracy and I turned over a card from the top of our piles and whoever had the card with the highest value collected everyone\u2019s else\u2019s card for that round.<\/p>\n Tracy made a big fuss whenever Bonnie had the highest card. On one round, Tracy and her mother both placed aces on the table. Noticing that they pulled the same card in different suits, Bonnie asked her daughter, \u201cWho wins?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHearts always beats Diamonds,\u201d Tracy responded, insisting that her mother\u2019s card was more valuable and should take the trick.<\/p>\n I know from playing bridge in my family, that there is a hierarchy to suits. Diamonds is more valuable than Clubs. Hearts beat Diamonds and Spades beat Hearts.\u00a0 But I suspect that if Bonnie plunked down the ace of Clubs, that would be declared the most valuable card on the table.<\/p>\n Bonnie chuckled as her daughter scooped up the cards she could claim for the round and placed them along her side of the table. Even though she was not quite sure what she had accomplished, she beamed. Tracy and I couldn\u2019t keep from smiling.<\/p>\n Knowing that the highest form of \u201cwinning\u201d is taking pleasure when someone else \u201cwins\u201d is no small thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve been visiting Bonnie at a long-term care facility almost every Tuesday afternoon for several…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8927,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[632],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-weekly-blog","grateful-dozen-winning-luck"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n