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A friend called me a couple weeks ago.\u00a0 She lives in a far-off suburb and announced she had an afternoon doctor\u2019s appointment in a closer to the city town this past Friday. It seemed like a good excuse to meet for lunch.<\/p>\nA friend called me a couple weeks ago.\u00a0 She lives in a far-off suburb and announced she had an afternoon doctor\u2019s appointment in a closer to the city town this past Friday. It seemed like a good excuse to meet for lunch.<\/p>\n
Of course, there\u2019s a ritual around agreeing on a spot to meet. Menus and Yelp reviews are exchanged electronically. The person initiating the get together selects maybe three options considering proximity to her appointment, diet restrictions and known parking challenges.<\/p>\n
We met at a small Vietnamese restaurant that I suggested based on her options, knowing that I like \u00a0banh mi (sandwiches) and pho (flavorful broth with noodles). She confessed later that their pho was even better than Trader Joe\u2019s version.<\/p>\n
I started thinking about Stephan Sondheim\u2019s musical, Company, and Patti LuPone and other Broadway stars that made some of the lyrics famous.<\/p>\n
The term from that musical, \u201cThe Ladies Who Lunch,\u201d had a derogatory tone when the production came out in the early seventies, but it is still popular with a fresh understanding.<\/p>\n
Originally, the play and term trashed monied, non-working women, who had nothing much to do except socialize at upscale restaurants and talk about fashion and avoiding getting fat. Lady friends at such outings would raise glasses and make toasts over early cocktails to their own resilience, going through life as pampered women, but, in a way, not quite feeling alive.<\/p>\n
Now, the term is about sisterhood and sharing experiences, The pandemic taught us many things beside how to use Zoom. People thrive when they feel connected. And, while technology has made some connections easier, there is nothing like an in-person gathering.<\/p>\n
Record numbers booked for Thanksgiving air travel speaks to this. It isn\u2019t for airline food or for the chance to have animated political discussions with infrequently seen uncles. Most people value the chance to spend time with people with whom they share history and hope.<\/p>\n
And arranging lunch with a friend (no alcohol or toasts or self-mocking involved) around her schedule, at a family run diner\u2026what could be better?<\/p>\n
I was struck by a powerful irony. One of the top subjects for these lunchtime get togethers (and I\u2019ve been lunching with lady friends for years) is not feeling listened to.<\/p>\n
A major portion of lunching conversation is occupied with venting, Hurts or frustrations ofen come down to not feeling listened to.<\/p>\n
At different ages, we might complain that our parents or partners, or bosses, or children don\u2019t listen to us.\u00a0 More recent table talk might reflect complaints about our doctors not listening and, fueling our justifiable outrage, we\u2019ll often huff that that\u2019s part of what they\u2019re paid to do.<\/p>\n
But here I am, venting to a friend, over a steamy, bigger than your heard bowl of pho.<\/p>\n
Yes, often we look for people who\u00a0 can solve our problems. But, invariably we\u2019re looking for affirmation that WE MATTER.<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t live hollow lives or lives that are purposefully filled with distractions to avoid feeling bad, like the women who were lampooned in the song, \u201dThe Ladies who Lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n
We live HUMAN lives.<\/p>\n
While we might work on developing strategies for overcoming challenges; a move or divorce, navigating through a cash flow problem, or finding a good plumber, we need to feel our feelings and circumstances matter. We need to\u00a0 call on our inner resources AND we need others.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll often vent about not feeling listened to as we sit in a corner table being listened to. I know I have, and I don\u2019t think I\u2019m alone.<\/p>\n
I probably need to sharpen my communications skills when it comes to telling a friend and listener what kind of response I am seeking, but I think some responsibility comes back to me to let others know I\u2019m available for lunch.<\/p>\n
Making time to see others, and see yourself more clearly, is no small thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A friend called me a couple weeks ago.\u00a0 She lives in a far-off suburb and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9551,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[632],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-weekly-blog","grateful-dozen-belonging"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n