It happens every spring and again in late summer and early winter, only my consciousness of the phenomenon runs in reverse. I become very aware of light and whether the hours of daylight in a twenty-four hour cycle are expanding or shrinking.

In late May and early June, I notice small restaurants along boulevards put out chairs and tables, maybe with Cinzano umbrellas mounted in the center, so customers can enjoy socializing and sipping a Sauvignon Blanc. In spring, the city organizes neighborhood showings of movies projected on the exterior walls of park activities centers.

In December, on late afternoons, I’ll look out a window, at the pinkish sky. Defying the mercury drop (How can it be so beautiful when it’s so cold?) my mind will fixate on whether I can get home before dark.

The oppositional urges to linger, to slow things down and savor them or to push things away and adjust to greater forces has led me to think a lot about TIME.

The Weather Channel supplies sunrise and sunset times daily. As example, there are thirteen hours of daylight in mid-August and about fifteen hours in early June. The direction of time will not change but our responses to it can. It seems we have to ask ourselves regularly “What’s really important?”

Born in the 1950s, and playing on my suburban street the following decade, I became used to setting my agenda informally according to a more mechanized threshold, more precise than the color of the sky — when the  streetlights came on. I understood that marked the difference between day and night.

Lately, I have also been thinking about the Annie Dillard quote: “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

I concluded that I spend too much of my time, every day, deleting emails.

Usually, some corporation that harvested an email address without my direct involvement wants to sell me something or some political organization wants a donation to fight inequities or rights being threatened by power-grabbers masquerading as public servants.

To me, much of the progress these power-grabbers seek to destroy seems to have been settled years ago. And I have some problems with the idea that rights and freedoms already won have to be fought for again.

But I am also having problems with giving myself completely to the Resistance.

I don’t want to give up or give in to these self-interested forces, but I don’t feel right with many of the strategies I’ve seen. I don’t have deep pockets for supporting causes, and I don’t have a big platform for influencing others.

While I’m impressed with the ability of digital armies from grassroots organizations to mobilize and get people to show up for an event, in-person or virtually, and disseminate helpful talking points for holding conversations with people who have decided to view things differently, I get the feeling that I don’t matter much. I don’t have a big social media following. I think of Bluesky as an atmospheric condition.

I can’t bring 20 friends to a rally. In a money-driven, list and numbers world, I don’t have much clout.

I also don’t feel aligned with the emphasis on communications structure over values. I know I share values with many people that support facts and scientific research, public education, and a more global perspective on solving problems. But that’s not enough.

I also think that in a very us versus them world, we need to get past traditional labels and actually talk to each other about what we want; how we want to live. I usually think the labels we have identified with often get in the way.  This applies to people who consider themselves “Progressives” as well as people who have referred to themselves MAGA.

This brings me back to when the streetlights come on. The world is begging to illuminated. This requires light, but also seems to need each person to believe he or she can be seen.

I expect I will participate in causes that move me, follow leaders who project common sense, integrity and welcome,  but I no longer want to hang on bits of news or offers to get reports on my donation impact.  I don’t want to spend so much time each day deleting emails. I want to protect my inner light, until more of life is ready to be seen.

Knowing when you need to be in the world and when you have to take care of yourself is no small thing.