I must have read a book review in the New York Times or some source whose recommendations I like to consider. The book, Andrew’s Brain, is by E.L. Doctorow, a favorite author, and just came out a few months ago. Since my current book budget is strictly paperback, not hard cover, I decided to check on availability from my library.

God bless the CPL (Chicago Public Library).  They have a pretty big catalog and even feature some new releases.  I reserved Andrew’s Brain and received an email notice that the book would be waiting for me on the HOLD shelf of my local branch for the next nine days.

How wonderful, I thought, I can order a book without buying it (to see if it is really as compelling as the review claims); I have up to nine days to actually pick it up (enabling myself to evaluate how important my reading life is in the context of my other obligations); and I don’t even have to pay for -– OWN—the book.  I don’t have to decide immediately if it merits my time or personal shelf space.

I love reading – but I really love this model for reading.  And this model applies to other things too.  Commitment by degree.

There seems to be some things in life where you feel an immediate resonance. Maybe a new hair style, or an afternoon with a close friend, or an outfit you see at a store….and your whole being screams YES. Yes, I want to do more of this, have more of this, adopt this as how I present myself to the world.

Then there are times when you feel yes, but not YES in capital letters.  You have doubts, or you want to experience a sampling before making a full investment.

These days, we can put an item we find shopping on hold or even return it within a short period of taking it home. We can lease a car to build up a comfort level, or affinity, for its handling.  We can rent an apartment to develop a feeling for a neighborhood before we mortgage our future on a purchase. People have coffee dates when they aren’t ready to spend a whole evening with a fix-up.

In our culture, we have learned it is perfectly acceptable to develop commitment by degrees.

These trial periods can be wonderful opportunities to consider our priorities and ask ourselves what we really want. It feels like we also have to learn not to take this sorting through period as an excuse for not making any commitment. It’s not a great idea to stay on permanent hold.

As I looked over the books on the hold shelf at the library, I wondered why people chose the books they reserved. Why did I choose Andrew’s Brain?  I also asked myself if I will actually make the time to read the book or return it, unread, before its due date because I made such a small investment?

What I want from a choice is worth contemplating.

Being aware of whether what I value lives within a small commitment and whether I expect that commitment to grow is no small thing.