When I was younger, so much younger than today (I never needed)
I never needed anybody’s help in any way (now)
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured (and now I find)
Now I find, I’ve changed my mind, I’ve opened up the doors  … Lennon-McCartney

I recently contacted some friends and business contacts for some marketing advice.  Valerie made some very insightful suggestions about an introductory letter I was about to send to a new market segment. Josh, who I don’t really know except that I guest posted on his blog, spent over ninety minutes with me on the phone.

They were more than happy to help.

My upstairs neighbor (tenant) came to my rescue when back-to-back blizzards made navigating down our alley pretty much impossible.  He pushed my Jetta (not an especially light car) back into the garage when I got stuck in a snowdrift by the garbage cans.

My shoveling load was made much easier when John, my housemate, went on snow patrol with me; him grabbing the small shovel, chiseling through the ice, clearing a path and then salting the stairs while I used the big shovel to clear the fluffy stuff from our back deck and parking pad.  I was in a hurry to get shoveling done before a predicted thirty-degree drop in temperature was due, and I was so thankful for the help.  We got the job done in half the time and did it better too!

Helping someone is a natural impulse, almost a reaction when someone asks. I don’t think twice when someone asks me to refill a glass or check my watch for them or spell a word or hold a bag of groceries while they look for their keys.  I actually like to be of service.  I think most people do. I think most people like to do things for other people, if it’s within their power to do what’s asked of them.

Thanking someone for a small consideration is a rich experience for everyone.

How often have I asked someone who is taller than I am to get me something stored above my reach?  How often have I asked a guest at a dinner party to help me serve so that I could get every body’s entrée to them at the same time?  Or unclasping the small ring on the back of a necklace? I don’t know why jewelry that I can put on myself seems to require an assistant for removal, but I often need help.

Of course I try to do things myself. I don’t like feeling obligated to anyone.  I like to demonstrate myself as self-sufficient. Sometimes, I have gone to great lengths not to involve others in my personal challenges. Yet…

Asking for what I need can be a great exercise in seeking clarity in my own mind.  (What do I really want in this situation?) It can also represent a willingness to be vulnerable –- in the best possible way.  It can be taken as an invitation to reciprocate, to be of service to the person I ask help from, which is something I like to do. Rather than focusing on something that’s missing, asking for help is like declaring that I know what I need, that I may be able to get there, but I could do things so much better or easier with help.

It’s taken a while, but I’ve learned that asking for help is not a sign of helplessness.  It’s about not wanting to go through life alone. Asking for help is being willing to participate in fuller web of relationships, person to person and within a community.

I am always grateful for help that is respectfully offered and delivered in the spirit of compassion and generosity.  I have come to appreciate the clarity and openness involved in reaching out and asking.

Being ready to ask for help and seeing that life can be easier and richer because others ably and sincerely want to help is no small thing.