The other week, I attended a cousin’s 80^th birthday celebration.

His hearing has degraded a bit, but he has a great memory, is current on all range of subjects and can master the stairs of his multi-level home without needing oxygen.

I hadn’t been to his place in ages and couldn’t help but check out his and his wife’s memorabilia, accrued over a lifetime of international travel.

His wife’s swizzle stick collection caught my eye. I have one, too. Over cans of La Croix, I told her about my collection, which includes a set of silhouettes of native women at various ages. The ages appear at the base of each.

The breasts of the fifteen year-old could be described as “pert.” Every five years, gravity worked its unflattering hardest on this sisterhood. The forty year-old’s breasts hung so low, they could almost be tripped over.

“Oh, you have Zulu Lulus,” she stated as someone familiar with the swizzle stick world.

I didn’t know there was a name for this series. I always worried about the political incorrectness around showing off naked African “tribal” women and purposely didn’t call attention to them.

These days, although some offensive references still linger, I don’t think people use as many negative stereotypes based on race as they used to.

But, I see and feel the undesirability of AGE all the time.

Beyond the typical focus on youth, which happens in every generation, it seems like the world pokes more fun at retirees than ever. (OK boomer.)

Quite a few AARP members caught Mick Jagger, at eighty, strutting around stages at packed stadiums on this year’s Hackney Diamonds Tour. Yet, the refrain from their ’66 hit, “Mother’s Little Helper,”  almost prophetically, strikes home. What a drag it is getting old.

Just ask Joe Biden. We hear daily warnings about Joe Biden’s aging and ability to perform in the job. (I wonder what design of swizzle stick might be chosen to convey his lifespan.)  This has concerned me.

It’s not that I don’t take mental acuity and the natural decline brought on by aging seriously.

I just don’t feel that we can compare occasional lapses in recalling factoids with a man who unexpectedly goes on rants about whales and windmills at rallies or throws rolls of paper towels to hurricane victims.  And I don’t feel totally confident about Joe prevailing against a showman in our youth-oriented, social media addicted, reality show culture.

I’m not convinced a record of accomplishments (navigating us to a mostly normal life after a global pandemic, architecting an economic resurgence that is the envy of the world, supporting Ukraine and climate inititives with a non-cooperative Congress) can prevail against a twice impeached, convicted felon who, even while ahead in the polls, won’t publicly state he’d stand by the result of the coming election.

I trust Biden more than a man who famously didn’t see a need, while president, for daily briefings and has happily co-opted policy-making concerns to the Heritage Foundation.

Yet, I am concerned that Biden has ripped a page from the Trump book of quotations, by stating something akin to “I alone can fix it.”  Maybe it is time for him to step aside. Neither seems the optimal presidential candidate for today.

But I confess, my greatest concern is that I’m losing trust in other Americans.

I’ve never been so discouraged by the amount of people who have no interest in looking into facts, to think independently and take responsibility for how they feel about their lives, to rise above grievances and easy bromides.

Democracy is messy and requires real conversations on what is for the good of most of us, maybe not what’s Ideal for some groups people identify with. This type of exchange requires civility, reflection and deep listening.

I am heartened by voices that explain the fault line for our divide runs deeper than last week’s poll numbers.

I hope that throughout the tumult of the next few weeks, months and years, we can look to our leaders and our neighbors AND SELVES for a collaborative vision of the future. I choose to keep hope.

Our goal must not be about trying to re-create a form of greatness from a bygone era. It’s not about giving people pride about where they have dominated. The world depends on our willingness to come together and solve real problems that affect everyone.

Understanding that the only reason for looking back is to look forward with clear eyes is no small thing.